HABITS OF A TRANSFORMING LOVE (Part 1)
God’s Invitation to Grace ❧ Part 55
Romans 12:9-13 ❧ Pastor, Dr. John Denney
One of our greatest needs, if not the greatest, is to love and be loved. From life’s first gasp of breath to our last, our vital need for love never ceases. It is as essential to our existence as oxygen is to our bodies. Without it we would smother. The poet Robert Browning captured this well when he wrote, Take away love and our earth is a tomb. It is largely due to this consuming need we will go to extraordinary lengths to find it. We will sacrifice truth, life, family, and friendships just to know that we are loved and wanted. I once knew a man and his wife who were being lured into a prominent cult. Out of concern I tried to expose the lies the cult was feeding them. But to my disappointment and wonder it didn’t faze them in the least. They simply were not interested in examining the thin ice they were putting the full weight of their trust. And I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why. Then suddenly it dawned on me. Where this cult failed miserably at telling the truth it greatly succeeded in making people feel they were loved! Little wonder I could not get through to them! When a human heart is so hungry for love and believes it has found it, nothing else really matters – nothing. Not even plain indisputable truth.
Open with me to Romans 12. We can’t look at this section of Romans without being reminded this a chapter of decision; a call to action; a defining moment. To borrow an expression from an avid fisherman I once knew, It’s time decide whether you’re going to cut bait or fish!Based on everything Paul has told us what God has done for us through His Son Jesus Christ, we must now decide what we’re going to do – we’re either fully believe Him or fully reject Him; there is no in-between. In Paul’s familiar opening words, he writes: And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him(Romans 12:1, NLT). When you give your body, you’re giving everything – your life, your mind, your heart, your will, your plans, your priorities, your time, your relationships, your past, your present, your future, your destiny – your everything. So Paul is saying: It’s time to choose whether I am going to fully surrender my life to God or not – it’s that simple. And here’s the catch, it is only when we fully surrender to God that we can fully know what it means to love and be loved.
This morning we’re going to look at the Habits of a Transforming Love. In Romans 12:9-21, with rapid fire succession, Paul lists some 25 very practical commands of what a life transformed by God’s love looks like in action. Paul’s words are simple and straightforward. There are no deep theological mysteries here — only down-to-earth language that can only be spoken and understood from the heart and translated into life. We’re going to look at verses 9-13 this morning. All of what Paul has to say in these verses echoes from verse two Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think (Romans 12:2, NLT). I’m calling this message: Habits of A Transforming Love. Paul gives us seven habits of a transforming love (Read Romans 12:9-13, NAS).
- Be genuine. Let love be without hypocrisy (Romans 12:9a). The Living Bible says: Don’t just pretend that you love others; really love them. Our English word for hypocrite literally comes from the Greekὑποκριτής – hypokrites. It was a word used for Greek actors who would enter the stage wearing one mask pretending to be someone they weren’t. Love that is real is love that doesn’t wear masks. It’s genuine.
Why does Paul see the need to say this? Because he understands we live in a world that specializes in wearing masks, where pretending to love is more common than not. The truth is, we’re afraid to really love. Why? Because if I have a mask on, I minimize the risk of rejection and the hurt it will bring. If I didn’t have this mask on, you’d see who I really am and the potential fear of your rejection and the pain it will cause is too great. The risk of failure is not worth the cost.
The problem with wearing masks is you are making the choice to live a lie, a lie that produces the fatal heart disease called loneliness. Before sin entered the world the only thing God said was not good was for man (people) to be alone (Gen. 2:18). When we are lonely, we are incomplete, unfulfilled. People are starving for real relationships where we don’t feel the need to wear a mask with each other or with God. We long for relationships where we don’t have to be afraid of being who we really are. That’s a good part of the reason why Heaven is going to be so great – no more masks!
But Heaven will never become a reality for us until we are first secure in our relationship with God. And it is not until we’re secure in our relationship with God that we can be secure in our relationships with others. God knows this and it why He sent His Son to forgive us and rescue us from our sins. Loneliness, at its core, is a homesickness for God’s love, acceptance, and forgiveness. John says, Perfect love casts out fear(1 John 4:18). When we risk being real, first with God and then with others, the fear of rejection disappears. Our lives are flooded with security, acceptance and love.
The story is told about a little boy in Chicago who attended a Sunday school near his home. When his parents moved to another part of the city the little guy still attended the same Sunday school, although it meant a long, tiresome walk each way. A friend asked him why he went so far and told him that there were plenty of others just as good nearer his home. They may be as good for others, but not for me, was his reply. Why not? she asked. Because they love a fellow over there, he replied. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another (John 13:35). Be genuine in your love.
- Be discerning. Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good (Romans 12:9b). We don’t hear the word abhor very often but it means to literally hate, despise, loathe, detest. This seems like a strange thing to say immediately after Paul has just said we’re to love. When you think about it, it isn’t strange at all. It makes good sense! Genuine love is not a blind sentiment, rather it is discerning.
A lot of people treat love like the young man who said to his father at breakfast one morning, “Dad, I’m going to get married.” “How do you know you’re ready to get married?” asked the father. “Are you in love?” “I sure am,” said the son. “How do you know you’re in love?” asked the father. “Last night as I was kissing my girlfriend good night, her dog bit me and I didn’t feel the pain until I got home.”
In Philippians 1, Paul writes, I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in real knowledge and all discernment(Philippians 1:9, NAS). Discernment means the capacity to perceive clearly, to understand the true nature of something (Louw-Nida Greek English Lexicon). Love that is genuine is discerning. It recognizes hypocrisy when it sees it and is repulsed by it. If there was one thing Jesus hated more than any other, it was hypocrisy. When it comes to hypocrisy, Jesus didn’t soft petal around it. He called it out. Speaking of the religious pharisees, He called them whitewashed tombs that appear beautiful on the outside but are filled with the rotting flesh of death itself on the inside (Matt. 23:27). Jesus was saying to them, “When people see you they think you are godly saints, but beneath your skin you’re total frauds.”
A lot of people think if you’re filled with love, you will never hate anything. No, if you’re filled with love you are going to have discernment between good and evil. You’re going to hold on to what is good and hate what is evil. God calls us to hate evil. Why? Because evil hurts with malicious motives. It’s one ambition is to destroy. That’s why Jesus went to the cross – to destroy the very evil that was destroying us. 1 Jn. 3, The Son of God appeared for this purpose, to destroy the works of the devil (1 John 3:8, NAS). One of the marks of real Christian is a committed love for others and a settled hatred for evil.
- Be devoted. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love (Romans 12:10a). The word for love is where we get the name Philadelphia from. It is two Greek words combined of love and brother. Paul is saying, love each other with a family kind of love. The family is the incubator where God’s unconditional love and character are nurtured. Paul says this is what the Body of Christ is to be like.
According to a study of more than 500 family counselors, the following are the top traits of successful families: Communicating and listening. Affirming and supporting family members. Respecting one another. Developing a sense of trust. Sharing time and responsibility. Knowing right from wrong. Having rituals and traditions. Sharing a religious core. Respecting privacy (Focus on the Family, 1988).
On a personal level, I am extremely grateful for the role models of this kind of love God has faithfully placed in my life. You don’t know but as a believer God may use you to be the parent or grandparent, an aunt or uncle, a brother or sister in someone’s life that greatly needs it. If you’re wondering what God wants you to do, a good place to start is asking God where you can start being a part of the family by being that listening ear, helping hand, or guiding counsel for others.
- Be affirming. give preference to one another in honor (Romans 12:10b). Take delight in honoring each other means we look for ways to affirm, build up, and encourage others. Interestingly, Paul encourages us to literally outdo one another in this area. It’s as though he is saying, If you want to be competitive, see you can genuinely value the other more.
This is the person who is not looking to get credit as much as looking to give credit. God can do great things through the person who doesn’t care who gets the credit. When was the last time you sat down and wrote a note or made a phone call or went out of your way just to encourage them? I want to encourage you to find someone this week to affirm. “I just want you to know how much I appreciate you.” Love that transforms is affirming.
- Be enthusiastic. not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord(Romans 12:11). Another trait of genuine God’s transforming love at work in our lives is a sense of excitement, enthusiasm. The word for fervent is literally to boil in spirit – to show enthusiasm. God wants us to be excited about Him and those He’s called us to serve. It’s the kind of excitement when you fall in love – the person you’re in love with becomes a part of every conversation. There is an enthusiasm that naturally bubbles or overflows from your life.
This is the exact opposite of indifference, apathy, lethargy. Our love for each other is not meant to be a constant guessing game. People know when you love them. There is a genuine interest in and care for them – an enthusiasm. Being enthusiastic doesn’t mean you have to be loud. Enthusiasm comes from two Greek words meaning “in God”. When you get in God you’ll be enthusiastic. Enthusiasm comes from being in God. When you’re in God, your life is marked by a deep abiding enthusiastic love.
So, how to do you stay enthusiastic? Paul says by serving the Lord. There were times when Paul was exhausted and discouraged. People let him down. Serving God was painful and difficult. How did Paul stay enthusiastic? He tells us in 1 Corinthians 15: Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord (1 Corinthians 15:58). What you’re doing for God right now, though it may seem discouraging, fatiguing, unnoticed, ineffective – however it may seem, it only seems that way. In truth it is not in vain. God is using your faithfulness, your perseverance more than you’re aware.
Layton Ford, Billy Graham’s brother-in-law, once spent some time conversing with Mother Teresa. He asked her, How do you keep your joy? You’re in the worse part of Calcutta with all the death, the debris, the dirt, the disillusion, the destitution. How do you keep your joy in Calcutta? Listen to her answer: We do our work for the Lord and with the Lord and to the Lord. That’s so simple but really profound. In everything you do, do it for the Lord, and with the Lord and to the Lord. When serve the Lord like that then you’ll have that enthusiasm. If you’ve lost your enthusiasm, what do you do? How do you get that enthusiasm? Fill your life with God and His love. The most unloving people are also the most unenthusiastic people. The most loving people are the most enthusiastic people. The church that has a lot of love is an enthusiastic church. A church that doesn’t have a lot of love is apathetic. The fifth trait of a transforming love is a love that is enthusiastic.
- Be patient. rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer(Romans 12:12).
All three of these point to outward actions based on an inward attitude. Rejoice in hope –Be positive. People are hungry for hope. We can be positive about life because we have hope. Here is a picture of optimism I came across some time ago: Two prisoners were shackled and tied to a dungeon wall hanging up-side down only a few feet from a damp smelly floor. The only window was about forty feet up. The one prisoner turns to the other and says, Okay, here’s my plan! That’s optimism! It’s saying to the world: Yes, it looks bad, but if God is for us who can be against us? I am convinced that all things work for the good of those who love God. I know that this present difficulty is nothing compared to the glory God has in store for us! I am going to stand on the promises of God no matter what.
Persevering in tribulation — Be patient when you’re hurting. The only reason we can be patient in affliction is because we know that God is control and that He has a plan that will make sense. Joseph in the OT beautifully captures this. The key to patience is perspective. Psalm 43:5 Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.
Devoted to prayer — Be Prayerful. When I find myself responding to pressure by being grumpy or impatient, or just plain irritable, it’s usually because I need to take a deep breath, pause, and spend time in prayer. The alternative to pressure is prayer. Rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer – when we hope together, persevere together, pray together God’s work of transforming love is unmistakable and indestructible.
- Be hospitable. contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing hospitality(Romans 12:13).
Hospitality is an attitude. It literally means having a love for strangers. It means making people feel at home rather than wanting to be home!
In 1994 I went on a short-term mission to the Baltic state of Latvia. We stayed in an old farmhouse in the country outside of town called Alūksne. The only family member who could speak English was the son. He lived there with his parents and grandmother. I think we were the first Americans they’d ever met. They couldn’t speak a word of English nor we, Latvian. Their son served as our translator for even the simplest of words. It was the grandmother though that I remember most. She was the classic picture of a country grandmother. Her face wore a sort of fixed grin with a bandana wrapped snuggly around her head and tied firmly under her chin. The kitchen was her domain and could she cook! To this day I’m could not tell you what we ate, but it was downhome farm food, and it was amazing. A typical day for us would find us at the breakfast table at about 6am. Grandma would greet us with her jolly kind of grin as we came down the stairs. Long before we came down she’d already been preparing breakfast. After a big breakfast we’d leave the house and then return about 11PM that night. As soon as we came in the door Grandma would be busy making a king-size meal for us all, all the while wearing a happy smile on her face. You could tell that nothing pleased her more than making sure we had plenty to eat. I couldn’t understand her language, but I could sure understand her attitude. It was an attitude of hospitality. I’m glad our stay came to an end. I had to cut down on my eating! That’s the kind of attitude we’re to have with one another.
